Thursday 5 April 2007

Letter to Max Clifford - 9th February 2007

Mr M Clifford
Max Clifford Associates
Moss House
15-16 Brooks Mews
Mayfair
London
W1K 4DS

9th February 2007

Dear Mr Clifford

Media/PR for 2012 Olympic Gold Medalist

Like most of the country I bet you were delighted when Great Britain was awarded the 2012 Olympic Games. I certainly was – if for no other reason than to see those French faces when the announcement was made. It made my year seeing their little red faces!

Well, like the bulk of sports fans I can’t wait for 2012 and the opportunity to show the world what a show we Brits can put on. For my part I’ve decided to embrace this Olympic opportunity 100%. But not for me a passive role as a spectator.

I’m going to take part.

I’ve selected the Olympic Marathon as my event and I’ve already started my training and preparation. I’m not exactly a novice - I’ve done a bit of running in my time and, indeed, I’ve done the marathon distance before. In fact – and I don’t like to sound too negative about our country’s heroes - but, unlike certain British female marathon runners I could name, I can at least safely say that I’ve finished every marathon I’ve started (and I’ve never felt the rather distasteful need to stop off for a number two half way round either).

A pipedream? Well, to some maybe. But not to this kiddie! Nope – I’m your man for Gold Mr Difford. I’ve already been in contact with UK Athletics and their Elite Athlete supremo – Dave Collins – has confirmed his support for my Olympic dream. I’m waiting for confirmation from Seb that my entry is in – but he seems a bit busy on the accounts at the minute.

Anyhow I can see you wondering what on earth this has to do with you – so I’ll get to the point.

In addition to my strict regime of running, fitness training, diet and near Buddhist lifestyle, I’ve realised that I need a first class support team around me to bring home the bacon – and a positive and high profile media presence is at the top of my list of priorities.

I need media coverage to encourage sponsors to come forward, I need press mentions to continue to receive invitations to some of the high profile running events in Europe – and I’m hoping to persuade somebody to invite me somewhere hot for some warm weather training. But to get all that - I need to be well known. So, if you want to be the best, recruit the best I say!

That’s why I’ve decided not to shop around the market – I’d like you to be my media adviser. What a team we’ll make! So, I’d be obliged if you could get to work on getting me some decent press coverage right away. Until the old endorsements start to roll in, my budget is obviously limited – but don’t let that put you off Max – you’re on to a winner with this kiddie I can tell you!

Now, as for the strategy I’m quite happy to be guided by you as to the type of story you think you should break. To be honest, and I don’t know about you, whilst I’m strictly from the ‘any publicity is good publicity’ school, I do draw the line at animal stories – so I’m not really up for eating hamsters and the like! I’m also not that keen on any really sordid sex scandals – but, obviously if it propels me to the front pages pronto then it’s something I’ll have to consider. (Mind you, you’d best have a plan to deal with the Half Share in the House – she can get a bit touchy about that sort of thing!). Oh – and whilst I’m up for any ‘three in a bed’ scandal-type exclusives, I’d rather the women be – well, between you and I, she must be fit! Can you pull any strings with Cilla Black? Or, I suppose if needs must you could always drag Zoe Ball back in the limelight – she’s always seemed up for it! I certainly don’t want to go within a mile that Big Brother woman, though - or her blessed mother!

But I’ll leave the details to you. Why not have a think and send me some ideas? I’ll have a quick scan then we can firm things up over lunch if you like.
You’ll need some photos obviously. Now as it happens, I do take part in a number of events both at home and overseas and I’d be happy to surround myself with some pretty young things for a couple of photo opportunities. You can follow my Olympic training and race schedule on the internet at www.ronhillsalterego.blogspot.com
Any more info you need, just let me know – otherwise, let’s get those stories Max!
Incidentally I saw you on your new TV programme on Saturday night. Max, a word in your ear – not Graham Norton please! I’m not homophobic but I just don’t do that sort of stuff – OK?

Keep on tapering


Ron

PS Incidentally, could you settle an argument between me and the Half Share. I say that ‘I’m a Pink Toothbrush’ was your first number 1 – but she says that it was only when you released those ‘Sing-A-Long-A-Max’ albums that you had a number 1 – tell me I’m right please!

No response has been received from Mr Clifford - and he's supposed to be the best PR guy in the business! I have, therefore, reluctantly fired him from the position of Media Director and assumed all responsibilities in this respect myself.

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