Letter to Dave Collins - 16th January 2007

Mr D Collins
Performance Director, UK Athletics
Athletics House,
Central Boulevard,
Blythe Valley Park,
Solihull, West Midlands, B90 8AJ.

16th January 2007

Dear Dave

2012 Olympics

Like most of the country I was delighted when Great Britain was awarded the 2012 Olympic Games. What an honour for us all! What an opportunity for the country! And what a sight to see those French faces when the announcement was made.

Like the bulk of sports fans I can’t wait for 2012 and the opportunity to show the world what a show we Brits can put on - if only we put our minds to it. For my part I’ve decided to embrace this Olympic opportunity 100%. But not for me a passive role as a spectator.

I want to take part.

So, I’ve begun my training and preparation for the Olympic Marathon. I’ve done a bit of running in my time and, indeed, I’ve done the marathon distance before. In fact – and I don’t like to sound too negative about our country’s heroes - but, unlike certain marathon runners I could name, I can at least safely say that I’ve finished every marathon I’ve started (and I’ve never felt the need to stop off for a number two half way round either).

Now by now you’ll be wondering who the heck I am. Well, Dave I think I’m one of those athletes that’s somehow just avoided being noticed. I heard a commentator on the TV talk about somebody being ‘under the radar’ – well I think that describes me perfectly.

But no longer. My head is now firmly above the parapet and I’m joining your Elite squad.

I’ve looked at your three categories of athletes and if you don’t mind me saying so I’m not sure you’ve got things quite right - but I can live with the system you’ve got in the short term. I’m just worried about your focus on people achieving a podium finish. Don’t you think that’s too much of a British approach? The Aussies wouldn’t have ‘Podium finish’ as an objective. They’d have ‘Gold Medal’!
And that’s the group I want to join.

I think you’ll find that I tick all the right boxes but rather than just turn up with my pumps at your next training session it might be better if we had a chat first. So how about I pop along at your next Elite Training session – do they meet on Tuesdays or Thursdays? – and we can check each other out.

You might want to check out my training programme and racing schedule on the internet at www.ronhillsalterego.blogspot.com – feel free to suggest any tweaks here and there – and please feel free to drop me the odd hint if you feel I’m not doing it quite right.

I’m also keen to get my kit sorted out. Now, I do hope that you’re not going for that effeminate-looking stuff they wore in Athens – you need something colourful and mean-looking! Have you thought of running in all black?

I could also do with a bit of advice on how I go about getting appearance money – I’ve seen precious little of that so far I can tell you. And I receive no lottery funding either – so a word in somebody’s ear there would be helpful.

You can send my track suit, vest and Olympic gear to me at the above address. As it happens, I am taking part in a number of events both at home and overseas and I’d be proud to wear some of your flashy Olympic gear.

Looking forward to working with you and best of luck with the training.

Keep on tapering


Ron

PS Any chance of sorting me out with some warm weather training? I quite fancy Fuengirola for a couple of weeks in August if you can swing it.

Response from Dave Collins dated 23rd January.

Dear Ron

Thank you for your fascinating letter, however, given what I have learned from your fascinating blogspot (See? Somebody reads me!!), I think you are hiding your light under a bushel! Might I therefore humbly suggest one of two cunning plans?

1. Your obvious pairs of creativity and ego point to a potential cover as a sprinter. All you really need is some quality bling and a pronounced strut. Can I suggest you try Ratners Jewellers at www.ratnersrus.com for sponsorship. The strut should be available from any local builders merchants.

2. Your ambition and powers of aspiration mark you down as a potential ultra-endurance athlete. For these immensely focused yet often painfully thin commit-niks running the Great Wall of China is a suitable challenge. Might I suggest five re[s of two minutes for recovery?

Get back to me when you have finished.

Yours in sport with deepest respect.


Dave Collins PhD
Performance Director

You see that? "With deepest respect"!! I reckon I'm a shoe-in for that Olympic team now that Dave is on my side!

Thank you for writing and good luck on the road to 2012.

With best wishes

Sebastian Coe KBE
Chairman
London 2102

Now then - I don't know about you - but if that isn't a ringing endorsement for me to tally-ho towards London 2012 I don't know what is!
Response from Lord Coe dated 16th February - and signed personally by Lord Coe. Note to other Captains of sport and industry - not signed by a Numptie!

Dear Ron

Thank you for your letter and enthusiasm and support for London 2012.

I am delighted that you are training for the marathon with the aim of competing in 2012. However it is not possible to "apply" for any sport in the Olympic or Paralympic Games. All athletes must qualify for the Great Britain team by achieving the qualifying criteria in national and international competitions.

I would suggest that you join your local athletics club who will be able to provide you with support and advice. You can find a full list of clubs across the country on the UK Athletics website www.ukathletics.net

Thank you for writing and good luck on the road to 2012.

With best wishes

Sebastian Coe KBE
Chairman
London 2102

Now then - I don't know about you - but if that isn't a ringing endorsement for me to tally-ho towards London 2012 I don't know what is!